I have mentioned before that I lifeguard at a county water park. We have slides, a lazy river, a waterfall that sometimes works, something called a “Spray-ground”, and a wave pool.
I could probably write a dissertation full of rants for each of these spots, but that would be annoying and it would make me angry. My least favorite spot in the whole park is the lazy river. You would think it was the wave pool, or the dangerous (and brand new) speed slides, but no. The lazy river is my own personal hell, for several reasons:
1. I have to actually get in the water to go to my spot. On cold days this is reason enough to make me grumpy for the rest of the day. On hot days it is merely annoying because my butt gets wet.
2. People of all types talk to me because I am closer to them than at any other spot in the park. Kids ask me everything from my favorite color, to whether they are allowed to pee in the water. Awkward teenage boys either hit on me or splash me while aiming for their friend. Adults are not creative. They always ask the same thing. “How many miles do you walk/laps do you do?” Wow Mr. Adult you are so clever.
3. One of the rules is that everyone must be in a tube, and then it must be sat in a certain way, and we complicate the matter by having both single and double tubes, and I hate enforcing these tube-related rules, because I think they are mostly unimportant, and I could be focusing on other things. (I should focus on saving lives or CPR, but usually I think about napping, or the food I’m going to eat on break)
And finally 4. There is nothing but empty field right behind the river, so it is exposed to all elements, be it wind, rain or burning sun. I spend an hour walking around it, and there is nothing protecting me, so I either freeze my tutu off, or I get to solidify the lovely one-piece-bathing-suit-and-sunglasses tan-lines.
So, long story long, the river is the bane of my existence.